Barnabas
by you'vegotthis
Summary: She's still got secrets. Even after four years. Even after a million questions from the passenger's seat, the chair beside her desk, the early morning phone calls. Kate Beckett is still a mystery, although she worries one day he might solve more than she wants him to, figure out she isn't as extraordinary as he thinks she is.


"I have a surprise for you," she quietly whispers in his ear.

"I love surprises," he says, his voice uneven. She just undoes him every time. Every time.

This time she has slipped up behind him in her kitchen where he is cleaning up, hands come from behind to cover his eyes. He turns in her arms, settles his hands directly on her rear. Caresses her reverently, smoothing his hands over her.

"Don't get too excited, not that kind of surprise, writer-boy."

"One sentence, two disappointments," he smiles into his chaste kiss.

"Writer-man," she says between lips meeting.

"Not the disappointment I was looking for you to correct," he starts, but she's already pulling away from his embrace, pulling his hand.

She's still got secrets. Even after four years. Even after a million questions from the passenger's seat, the chair beside her desk, the early morning phone calls. Kate Beckett is still a mystery, although she worries one day he might solve more than she wants him to, figure out she isn't as extraordinary as he thinks she is.

He knows she is organized, has this thing for visuals, totally sensory. Needs it proved to her. That's why the murder board works for her, why the aesthetics of her apartment totally work for her. Organized, thematic, hunting for patterns, logical connections. Things make more sense in the logical world than the emotional world for his Kate. He's always struggled with her in that realm.

On her coffee table is one of those cardboard file boxes. The kind they use at the station all the time, case files, evidence. His curiosity is piqued. She pulls him to sit on the couch as she leans forward to open the lid.

Inside are family photo albums, she plucks one out. "In case you ever need naked pictures of me," she says handing him her baby album. She snuggles down next to him as he opens it across their laps.

"Fantastic," he is damn near giddy to get to explore these. He oohs and ahhs over pictures of her as a baby, seeing glimpses of the Kate he now knows. She's clearly the joy of her mother's eye.

Charming comes to mind, Kate Beckett had a magnetic charm even then.

He turns the album to examine each photo, no detail escaping. He sees the ring he has helped Kate take off her neck several times now, only here, it's on Johanna's finger as she wraps her arms around her new born. A young Jim Beckett, face devoid of wrinkles, smiles. His life is these two women. He looks every bit the luckiest man in the world. No hint of the tragedy that lines the man's eyes now. Rick glances at Kate.

Her face is content, happy to share this with him. He's relieved to see it, doesn't want her sinking into the melancholy that strikes like a venomous snake when it comes to her mother. Content. That emotion book-ends to her life now, with no settled trace of it for those years between then and now.

They finish the first album and she takes it from him, reverently placing it back in the box and reaching for another.

This one gives him a glimpse of her as a toddler, a little girl. Gripping a stuffed elephant, lovingly tucked into her side. Smiling wide for the camera.

"Hey, I recognize that theme," he says, finger tracing the elephant, he turns to smile at her.

She shakes her head smiling back, "Barnabas," she says. She laughs a little at how stupid she feels telling him the name of her stuffed elephant, her favorite toy.

"Is this where your obsession with them began?"

"It's not an obsession. I only have a few on my desk at work."

He curls a hand around her knee, her feet now tucked under her. "Adorable." She can't help leaning her head on his shoulder for a moment, an acknowledgement of his sweetness. Somehow he makes her feel like everything she does is amazing. Having a stuffed animal is amazing? His words help push it down, his love, from her head way down to her heart, to her very being.

"You have that huge elephant in your bedroom."

"Is that why you are attracted to me? Oh, wait, you meant the photo on the wall, didn't you?"

She huffs out a laugh, puts her hand on his chest, captures his lips a moment, gives him back as good as she got, "oh no, I wasn't even thinking of _that_ elephant."

"Thank you for that."

He really wants to see the rest of these photos, despite the distraction of their banter. Kate was a happy kid. Somehow he hopes in that, sees the contrast and the comparison between her happiness now. He knows he's part of that, it's becoming a growing security, it makes him happy to know he makes her happy. "Barnabas makes an appearance in a lot of these."

"Sure does. He was my favorite, I took him everywhere, kind of a security blanket. When I was three I left him in a restaurant on our way home from the beach in Connecticut, my mom made dad drive back in Sunday night traffic to get him." He can see the sweetness of her memories in her eyes. "Took an extra four hours to get back into the city."

"Sounds like your parents would do anything for you." He knows how they feel.

"Yeah, they did, I had a good childhood. Barnabas was a good friend, I took him everywhere. He was my comfort."

"Where is he now?" He figures maybe the detective is too bad-ass to put him on display. He's surprised to see her staring back at him, an odd look crossing her face. She swallows hard.

"It was one of the things I put in her casket."

_Oh._

_Oh, Kate._

But she doesn't cry, she smiles, although it doesn't quite meet her eyes as she looks into his. He loves her strength.

"Sorry," he says it more to fill the silence than to empathize. He stopped trying to empathize with her on this loss a long time ago, there was no way he could imagine her loss, he didn't want to. No, the best Rick Castle could do was to be a light in her darkness, let her come to him, not try to feel around in the dark for her.

"Don't be sorry, Cas, I'm not. She needed him more than I do. And besides, now I have you."

He feels the well of emotion at her confession. God, they've come a long way. Such a bonus to hear her say it out loud. He feels so blessed, he puts pushes the album on to the coffee table, wraps both arms around her in a fierce hug.

They stay that way a long time. Silently melting into who they are becoming, together. He rubs her back a few times, like he's about to say something, but the moment is too precious to ruin with words.

She's the first to pull back, grabs the album, and settles in next to him, her toes under his thigh. She thought he might enjoy peeling a layer in her onion by looking at these pictures, but she's amazed at what she's getting out of the deal. She had only been determined to show him some happy memories.

Two hours later she is laughing at him.

And it isn't only because of the wine she's drinking that it's funny.

He thinks her prom dress was beautiful.

"Rick that was 1997. No one looks good in a prom dress from the 90s."

It's a shiny purple thing, tight, with a high slit and rhinestones across the bodice. The height of fashion at the time. And about as tacky as fashion-conscious Kate can imagine. She'd fought her mother over the slit, when she'd gotten it back after the hem was altered, the slit had moved a good three-inches. Her mother was not sorry and her dad had declared 'Switzerland' several times in the intervening days.

"Might not be the dress, might be the legs," he's working his hand over the outside of her thigh to prove his point. She stops him with her hand at her hip. Shifts to lean against his shoulder with her legs splayed out away from him. He kisses the top of her head.

"Switzerland, huh? That's fantastic."

"Dad wasn't into confrontation. Mom was usually leading the way, if he didn't agree he'd put his foot down and they would have some serious verbal battles."

"Like us," he says thoughtfully.

"Like us," she agrees, throwing in a challenge, she adds, "except I remember mom winning a lot."

"Switzerland," he replies as they both laugh.

The last page of the album takes his breath away. It's Kate and her mother, although her mother looks just like Kate does now. It's a little unsettling. She's lying across the bed, body parallel to Kate's, who is still dressed in her prom gown. Barnabas is propped up against a pillow in the background. They're both smiling wide.

"Daddy took that picture, snuck up on us. Probably one of the few times we were both smiling over the same thing. I was telling her the details of the prom."

"Yeah, you look happy Kate."

She's compelled to do something about that statement, push confidence into him about her love for him the way he has for her.

"How 'bout now, Cas?" She's turned to face him, swiping a hand across the hair that falls in his eyes, "do I look happy now?"

"Yeah, Kate you look happy."

"You know why?"

"Wine?" he tries to joke, but she won't let it go.

"You."

He swallows at her words as she moves in to kiss him.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

A few days later she's at the kitchen sink when she feels his warm hands cover her eyes.

"Got a surprise for you," he says.

"I hate surprises, this better be good."

He turns her around, pushes her back into the counter trapping her with his hips.

He's got a box in his hand, too big, and way too early for a ring, she shifts her eyes from his hands to his face, questioning.

He has to open it for her. She isn't quite reaching out of the darkness for it. That's okay, he'll turn up the light a little.

Inside is a cuff bracelet, just her style, a beautiful elephant pressed into the silver. The smile that spreads across her whole face tells him this was a good choice.

"Thank you," she says, slipping it on, "I love it."

And then her arms are going around his neck, and she is fiercely holding him to her.

Even though he's noticed she wears it every day since he gave it to her, it's still a shock for him to discover where she is storing her elephant bracelet for the night. Next to her father's watch and her mother's ring.

A/N: Three weeks traveling down the Nile River have left me sweetly zen-like, I'll write you a season 4.5 episode this week as promised, I'm just in love with everybody and everything right now. . .


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